Mary:
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times”
A tremendous nod of appreciation and respect to Charles Dickens for this, one of the greatest opening lines in literature. Any genre, any time period. I did not realize until just now doing research for this article that it continues on in an incredibly long and beautiful run-on sentence.
“it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair . .”
I had hoped to say that ‘best of times, worst of times’ sums up my week. And then I discovered the riches of all these contrasts -- each couplet adding layers of validation to my scattered and often diametrically opposed thoughts and feelings.
Last week started with finding out our local library system was offering on-line reservations and a method for curb-side pick-up. I spent two hours just choosing which books I wanted to request. Perhaps a bit like getting lost in the book store, but I don’t know anyone who does that.
And then Friday was my pick-up day, I was so excited! I told some friends at work it felt like the super nerdy joy Steve Martin displayed as he cried out, “The new phone book is here, the new phone book is here.” I got home and paged through my treasures; three historical fiction books and a literary work by Walter Mosley. Then, as I tried to choose which to read first, the words of Mozart in the movie “Amadeus” came to mind. He was trying on wigs and excitedly proclaimed, “They are all so lovely, I wish I had three heads.” Can you tell, I was really, really excited to have these books!
I had been reading on my Kindle since the ‘safer at home’ order started. A wonderful gadget, but it is no match for the tactile delight of turning pages and brushing your hand across a glossy cover. I chose to start with a historical fiction set in the mountains of Eastern Europe during WWI. The main characters were a doctor and nurse in a field hospital. Beautifully written with exquisite prose, complex characters and well-developed plotlines. However, reading about rapid progressions of illness to death from typhus, the endless battle to save lives with very little equipment and medications, and the bickering and in-fighting amongst the decision makers was not exactly uplifting or an avenue to escapism these days.
Which led me into the worst of times. That story plunged me into such feelings of gloom and melancholy. I know my dark times are like the brightest day for some that battle depression and other mental health issues. I know our current battle with Covid-19 has worsened these conditions for so, so many people. And I know mental health care in our country is not given the respect and resources needed. Mental health conditions, addictions, and substance abuse are an epidemic in their own right, and have been for some time. And I pray for all those that are fighting these battles even more fiercely than ever before. But to all those screaming for flinging open the doors of our society as a solution to the mental health crisis running along with the virus crisis, I suggest shut the front door. A more lasting solution is for us as a society to take an honest look at mental health care in America and make some necessary changes. We can do better.
I had been struggling with what to write next and pointedly avoided the keyboard. I felt I had no funny quips or ‘rah-rahs’ in me. I feel, though, there are many of us that experience this roller coaster of emotion within short amounts of time. The goal of this piece began as an invitation to myself and each of us to acknowledge and accept whatever range of feelings we have and when we have them. Very often though, it seems the writing itself sets the path. Just today, I saw that May is Mental Health Awareness Month. I’m thinking that was the muse whispering in my ear. I’m grateful for the direction. I pray we are all kind to ourselves and others. Especially to those that are in most need of our kindness and care.
Katie:
My mom beautifully pens, “I pray we are all kind to ourselves and others. Especially to those that are in most need of our kindness and care.” Kindness is truly the only way through. True compassion for, true faith in, and true love for one another is the only thing that gets one through.
In the past, I have been pretty open about having high functioning anxiety. I don’t always seem like I am ready to explode, going a million miles a minute, or envisioning scenarios that put me in positions over which I have no control. I don’t always seem like that. But, I promise you, it is there, right there under the surface. That is what high functioning _________ looks like. You fill in the blank.
It looks like, “I can’t break down because if my kids see me cry, they’ll know something is wrong.”
It looks like, “The world was literally on fire, and I can only focus on the fact that my baseboards are dirty.”
It looks like, “Yeah, yeah, no, everything is fine.”
Anxiety, Depression, OCD, looks different on everyone. I am high-functioning. My anxiety is seen as a boon to my work and my community. Others wage different wars with their demons. I cannot speak for those.
I don’t want pity. I don’t want indifference. I want recognition that everyone is carrying something heavy.
We are going through global trauma right now. I want everyone to know that just because someone else’s “stuff” is heavier than yours doesn’t mean that your “stuff” isn’t heavy, too.
This is truly the worst of times. We are in a global pandemic. There are not enough equipment, supplies, or staff to keep our nation, our world, safe. There are people with Covid-19. There are still people with cancer. There are still people with heart conditions. There are still people with depression and anxiety. ‘We are not all in the same boat, but we are certainly in the same storm’ (Damian Barr).
That is the place in which we rejoice. That is the place where we must become one human race. We have got to weather the storm together to welcome the rainbow. And, we can only do that when we support one another regardless of age, race, ability, class, religion, sexual orientation, or, yes, even differing political persuasion.
As people united, we will not be divided. And, that, my friends, that will be the best of times.
